​Like the rest of us, our kids need a hand up not a hand out.
Let our kids be kids. I can cross my heart and say I have not met a bad kid yet.
We all went through the acne phase, our friends always had the better looks, clothes, boyfriend/girlfriend, invited to cool parties etc. But by taking just one step at a time, a few tears, a few swear words under the breathe and we came through it all. So will our kids, just be there for them.
Love, Validation, Connection, Education and a stable family life is the best gift we can give our kids.

In 2006, at the ungodly hour of around 1 am (the only time I could get some study done, because we had 2 primary aged kids, clinic, mother, wife, cleaner etc). I had my literature reviews in neat piles, I had my raw data from the interviews, I had conducted regarding family violence and I was looking for common themes and patterns.
To my utter shock, I discovered that the majority of people interviewed listed an abusive / violent mother, as one of the causes. I was gutted. The next day I was at Professors Green's door and we discussed why maternal abuse has such an impact on kids? The answer was simple - when someone who is meant to nurture turns abusive, it alters the structure and chemistry of the brain.
Personally, I think, if we are serious about confronting family violence then we need to also have the courage to lift the lid on all aspects of family violence with respect. It is not our place to judge or blame but as a community to come together to learn and heal.
The quote comes to mind "Do not judge me until you have walked in my shoes"
Lets all be Safe, Kind & Connected. Love & hugs. Jacqui

​Of all the African tribes still alive today, the Himba tribe is one of the few that counts the birth date of the children not from the day they are born nor conceived but the day the mother decides to have the child.
When a Himba woman decides to have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child who wants to come. And after she's heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child's father, and teaches him the song. When they make love to physically conceive the child, they sing the song of the child as a way of inviting the child.
When she becomes pregnant, the mother teaches that child's song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old women and the people gather around him/her and sing the child's song to welcome him/her. As the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child's song. If the child falls, or gets hurt, someone picks him/her up and sings to him/her his/her song. Or maybe when the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song.
In the Himba tribe there is one other occasion when the "child song" is sang to the Himba tribesperson. If a Himba tribesman or tribeswoman commits a crime or something that is against the Himba social norms, the villagers call him or her into the center of the village and the community forms a circle around him/her. Then they sing his/her birth song to him/her.
The Himba views correction not as a punishment, but as love and remembrance of identity. For when you recognise your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.
In marriage, the songs are sung, together. And finally, when the Himba tribesman/tribeswoman is lying in his/her bed, ready to die, all the villagers that know his or her song come and sing - for the last time that person's song.